A little angry inside...or very angry inside...
my dad, he is nice to me, and cares about my happiness.
Really, I admitted before and now.
I really know that he is nice to care my feeling about love life
or when to meet a Mr. Right.
but his words bring me unhappy now,
not just now ...
And
I, just now, nonsense to act to him, my dad...
should I smile to him and said to hime :
I am satisfied with my situation nowaday that is nice and good?
Or I should ”cry” for my poor life that is no ”lover” being with me?
He, my dad, in kind mood, compare ”his age” that one girl he knew
was 24 years old the same as me now...and he feel she was an ”old virgin”...it seems he worry that ”I will become an old virgin,
a poor virgin?
On that time, I was in spirit strongly so I unminded what he said to me.
but, I admit that I am now in ”flesh”...and ”very angry deadly”...
because all things are what he want and
all result are what he wish. ( inculding my sister... )
Dind’t they, I mean my families, wish that I shouldn’t be with him in future?
He, my dad, didn’t hope the guy, T.S. keep in touch with me....
and my dad sure that I can meet a best one in future,
not him, the lovely guy who I ever felt. (but now, after listening
my dad’s words, I now feel sad and angry, very angry...
why should I follow people’ thinking....and really I feel
T.S. is nice to me form the beginning to the ending...and
I feel he is nice from head to the toe...I say this on purpose)
Why they aren’t happy for my choice that
”I don’t want to fall in love with T.S.?
And now, instead of happy, they seem to perfer to
”care” my happiness .... to ”worry” where my lover is or will be...
I am angry deadly...................................
not cry for my ”poor life”
but for my ”poor father”........his worry ....his thinking.........
Does he really think that I can’t meet a suitable one in future?
or Dose he reaally think that I will be alone in the rest of my life?
I am confused.......
but
I believe in God, the Christ Jesus,
He must follows me to He peace kindgom and His world...
I really not worry about myself...really ....
just ”only care my dad’s feelings....really.....
or ”if”
I doesn’t meet a suitable male in the future;
I will be alone in the rest of my life, that is from God’s wish.
Emily Yen...2005.11.21.Mon. night. 10:20
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